Tag Archives: Brian

QUERYING PAKKELEG CONVULSED: December 2025

Ahem Our Christmas celebrations normally start after we celebrate Gwen’s birthday on the 12th, when this year the family met at the Bonsai restaurant in Brighton for a vegan meal so good that even Alli was singing its praises. She and I arrived early and had a drink on Baker Street at the friendly Mitre […]

WIT THEODOLITE JAMS: August 2025

Ahem August was a very fruitful month. Raspberries and blackberries, plums and greengages, even rosehips and sloes suddenly made a massive and early appearance in the hedges and byways along which I walk Max. There were reports from Burgess Hill of previously uncharted bushes within hedges suddenly producing rare and delicious plums. August was also […]

SHED CARNIVAL TARDIS: September 2024

Ahem The English summer, impolite at the best of times, was damnably rude: it left abruptly, neither saying goodbye, nor asking leave to withdraw, nor offering excuses for its sub-par performance over past weeks. In its place we had rolling grey clouds, morning mists, evening chills, and repetitive downpours. Perversely, it then returned in mid-month, […]

MUTTLEY POND GLUTEN: March 2024

Lake Wood, March 2024

Ahem, Muttley was one of my childhood heroes (along with Rolf Harris). As an infant TV-watcher, I thought Muttley was a philosophical genius; he could summarise all relevant social discourse into three cardinal responses: a chronic wheezy snigger; a frustrated oath-laden mutter grumble; and impatient agreement by rapid head-nodding while rasping “yeh-yeh-yeh, yeh-yeh-yeh”. It inspires […]

CURFEW BOLLARDS HOAR: October 2020

La Hune

Ahem They’re out to get me. Wherever I go these days outside the UK I am not only followed but somehow expected (and not in a good way). I arrive to find that everything is about to close because it’s suddenly a Covid-19 hot spot. My arrival simply confirms the new restrictions like an inspired […]