Category Archives: Ahem

FLAMING AWKWARDLY TROUT: June 2024

The uncertain weather continued during the first half of the month, ruining the plans of charities, open days, village fetes, Prime Ministerial speeches, cricket, concerts, and other flummery activities. The British weather’s main characteristic is that rain is always imminent, as John Lennon had noted. The phrase “Flaming June” implies that the month traditionally brings […]

BONNIE PERIPATETIC RHODODENDRONS: May 2024

Our amazing dog Bonnie, possibly a Bedlington Whippet, or maybe a small Schnauzer Lurcher, born in a rescue centre over 18 years ago, and more recently very frail and forgetful, as well as nearly blind and deaf, disappeared about two weeks ago. She became confused one evening in the garden at Broad Oaks in Burgess […]

HERON FEGAWI BLUEBELLS: April 2024

Ahem,  A few days after I had, with all due ceremony, carefully poured twenty bright and bushy-tailed goldfish from a large transparent plastic bag into our rejuvenated pond, aware that the fish would be in temporary shock and hiding behind pond foliage for a while, Alli and I slowly began, quite separately, to realise that […]

MUTTLEY POND GLUTEN: March 2024

Lake Wood, March 2024

Ahem, Muttley was one of my childhood heroes (along with Rolf Harris). As an infant TV-watcher, I thought Muttley was a philosophical genius; he could summarise all relevant social discourse into three cardinal responses: a chronic wheezy snigger; a frustrated oath-laden mutter grumble; and impatient agreement by rapid head-nodding while rasping “yeh-yeh-yeh, yeh-yeh-yeh”. It inspires […]

TWINKLING YAHTSEE GASTROPUB: February 2024

Ahem, On the ninth day of the month, I travelled to meet my sister-in-law Julia and her long-time friend Christine at Heathrow to spend the rest of the month with them at the Toleza farm near Balaka in Malawi. Hitches, snafus, and hassles from previous similar journeys were much reduced, and we were driven to […]

LOCKSMITH CATAPOSTROPHE SEAGULL: January 2024

Ahem, Jurrat, Jessie, and Jaxon (J3) came to Uckfield for a Sunday roast on their first visit since we moved into our new house. Alli cooked a pork belly with cracking crackling, which was pronounced delicious by all who had it. At the end of the month I joined Jessie and Jurrat, Ella, and Gwen […]

QUICKLY TRADITIONAL DRIZZLE: December 2023

Ahem, Our first several days in our new house, perhaps predictably, were at once disorienting, exciting, and revelatory. Somehow we needed to fill each room with shared meaning culled separately from our individual lives in the Alsace, in the Cote d’Ivoire, and during the last four years of beguiling purgatory in Burgess Hill. We had […]

Invest in African women. They’re worth it.

  Most Africans suffer poverty and inequality in various different forms, including income and employment, geography, age and gender. The gender dimension is particularly significant, with poverty rates among women and girls far higher than among men or boys. Market research was commissioned in 2016 to help understand the economics of the gender divide in […]

LILO PUB TRIAGING: November 2023

Ahem, It was night in the cold northern foothills of Dartmoor. The country sky was scattered with stars but the moon was hiding behind a black veil. I had brought my car soundlessly to a halt by an old five-bar gate opening onto a misty field of shadows that stretched down into a dark silence. […]